Out of Reach
by gwkitty
Summary: Something happens that causes Kaoru to find herself in the most unexpected place. Please keep an open mind if you decide to read this :) Complete!
1. Out of Reach Chapter One

  
  
  


Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. If I did, there would have been more romance in the anime... hehee.

  


Author's Note: Please don't get angry with me for what lies beyond. This idea came to me... And don't worry... it'll turn out okay. If I update, meh! 

  
  
  
  
  


Out of Reach

  
  
  
  


It was raining. Something extremely significant always seemed to happen when it rained. Either she would be spending time with the wanderer who had stolen her heart in companionable silence–or it would be a time much like this, full of pain and her Rurouni was forced to remember his previous days as a hitokiri. She gulped and then closed her eyes. She raised her head to the sky and let the rain fall down her face. She felt empty when it rained.

A sound broke through the melodious patter of water, causing her eyes to snap open in shock. Pain coursed through from the source and it was nothing she had ever felt before. She blinked and fell to the muddied earth, hands clutching the katana where it lay unwanted in her stomach.

She couldn't hear. She wanted to. She needed to. She could see their mouths moving... _his _mouth trembling, but she couldn't hear what they were saying. She choked and tried to blink the rain out of her eyes, but realized--she was crying.

The pain was lessening but a foreboding eerie feeling took over her being and she struggled to keep her heavy eyelids open. She wanted to see him for as long as she was allowed. To remember every detail: his beautiful red hair, his violet/golden eyes, his cross-shaped scar. She wanted to take that with her. To be a part of her.

Finally, she couldn't fight it anymore. She closed her eyes and all the pain went away.

  
  


"KAORU...."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Drifting...

  


Spread out... she felt free but... _what _was she? _Where _was she?

  


So warm.

  


'Kaoru ... my name ...' She struggled with the vastness to make herself tangible. The gentle white began to mold and she found herself. She looked down at her callused hands. She felt her face and her hair and then settled a hand over her heart to feel its pulse. Then her hand froze over the gaping hole in her stomach. All the memories came flooding back to her and she suddenly felt very cold.

'Kenshin...'

She recalled a conversation she had with him one summer evening. She didn't remember why she had asked him, but he had answered and that was all that had mattered.

  


The two were sitting like an old married couple would next to each other on the porch, even though that was far from truth, watching nature in all of its glory. Kaoru's gaze flew to a blue jay that flapped down to the grass and then quickly changed its direction. She wondered if there would ever be happiness for her and Kenshin, as a couple. If it were possible.

"Do you believe in life after death?" She asked softly, watching the leaves rustle from the modest breeze that swept through them. He didn't turn to look at her but responded with a gentle yes. Kaoru let a few seconds pass before she asked another question. She always wondered if he was uncomfortable in times like this, where they were alone together, so she made it a habit to give him space. For the most part, she was always left wondering something. The Rurouni did not share as much of him as she would have hoped he would with her, by now, as a friend.

"Do you believe in reincarnation?" Her eyes fell upon a solitary red rose growing amongst a few stubborn weeds she had tried to eliminate not too long ago.

"It might be possible. Our spirits must go somewhere after we die. Maybe to a place where we wait for those whom we cherish, to be with them again. Or maybe," he turned to regard her, "our souls are reborn so that we can start again and make more friends than enemies. Live life better than before and repent for past sins committed." He searched her eyes. 

"Why do you ask, Kaoru-dono?" She inaudibly sighed because of his never ending refusal to simply call her Kaoru when she had asked and even told him that he could numerous times.

"I wanted your opinion," she replied with a tender smile. He seemed somewhat perplexed by this.

"But Kaoru-dono, Sessha's opinions do not mean much. I am trained in the art of war and am lacking religious intellect. Although many teachings demand acceptance of death, they don't necessarily describe the result of it or what happens after."

"Kenshin no baka, of course your opinion matters. You are, without a doubt, a part of my family," she told him, displaying honesty in her big expressive eyes. His smile seemed pained and a little forced and so she didn't press any more. They looked again to the green of the grass and the trees, and wondered what really constituted the end and what would come to be thereafter.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kaoru opened her eyes to find herself lying in an overgrown grassy field, looking up into an unbelievably blue sky. She sat up and tucked some of her black hair behind an ear and looked around. It seemed familiar but she felt odd. Like she shouldn't be there.

She inspected herself, she was wearing her favorite kimono but her hair was not tied in her ribbon. She looked over her hands again and was shocked to find them smooth and soft. There was no hole in her stomach and she did not feel the wind on her skin as she looked to the leaves visibly moved by it.

She heard laughter in the distance and it suddenly became louder as two children ran over to where she was, gasping in exhilaration for air. Their eyes sparkled in childish innocence and Kaoru realized she hadn't seen a genuine smile for a long time.

She didn't recognize either the boy or the girl and so she waited for them to speak first. The boy grinned, opened his arms wide, and fell into her body, embracing her in a familial way. She instinctively reacted by stroking his short, jet black hair.

"Sissy, mother sent us to find you," the girl explained. "She said you probably have some questions."

Kaoru nodded and followed the two to their abode. She took in the sight with wide eyes. It looked invitingly cozy and humble. And a mother was waiting inside. And she had a sister? And possibly a brother... She entered rather dumbly and walked around till she found whom she presumed to be the one the girl had told her about. The older woman was preparing food. She turned to Kaoru upon her arrival and an aged smile spread across the woman's face. Kaoru couldn't help but return it.

"How are you feeling my dear?" She asked in a concerned loving voice. Kaoru sat down in the closest available seat. The old woman didn't wait for an answer and went on to talk about the laundry.

"Could you go get it for me?" She asked with soft eyes. Kaoru nodded, forgetting that _she_ was the one who had questions, and left the house. She found the laundry just outside the door.

Kaoru stood just far enough from it for it to be in its own world, swaying to the breeze and allowing the sun to caress it. She imagined herself at _her _home, standing there and watching Kenshin observe the clothing even though she knew he was probably lost in thought rather than focused on the cloth drying before him.

She stepped up to the clothes and took them down, folding each individual article before setting it in the waiting basket. She then hauled the basket inside and the woman gave her another chore. She obliged without thought. Another task that reminded her of Kenshin.

After she finished raking the yard, she walked up to the woman, determined and set on actually getting in a word or two.

"Where am I and why am I here?" The woman knowingly smiled a more than pleasant smile and rocked the chair she was sitting in back and forth, her fingers nimbly knitting a scarf out of magenta yarn.

"You are neither living nor dead. You came here because of something," she made eye contact with Kaoru, "or someone."

_'Kenshin....'_

"This place," the woman continued, "is for souls like yours. Which is why you'll find so many, like the children." Kaoru looked away. Nothing had set in yet. She couldn't believe this.

"What do I have to do to... leave?" She asked, expecting a dreadful mythical task that she would have to complete.

"It's not up to you," she answered, looking up through the ceiling towards the sky.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Out of Reach Chapter Two

  


Author's Notes: Hiya!! Here's the second chapter: for all of those who reviewed, many thanks!! I am posting this now with every intention of editing it and making it better later. Just wanted to get this out. :) I gotta say, I'm really bad at long stories, meh. I really hope my muse will stay with me on this. It doesn't help that I'm not a very good writer, lol. Ahh, well.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Summer comes and goes

like the Winter I suppose.

Between that time I saw you smile-

you bid me stay awhile.

Desire met an empty ghost

for I can't have what I want most.

I settle for that simple gaze

and lie to myself; it's just a phase.

Autumn cries for lonely souls

but that's the way it is, I suppose.

  
  
  


Chapter 2: Out of Reach

  
  
  


He padded over to the rack that held all the wooden practice swords. Swords that his master had struggled to purchase over a long period of time. She didn't exactly have many students and often didn't reap much profit out of the few that did come to her, but that never dampened her spirits.

Yahiko gripped a bokken and removed it from its resting place among the others. He stared at it for awhile, studying the wood patterns all across its length. He looked up and glanced around the room, realizing for the first time how quiet it really was. Usually he'd be distracted by an argument with his Sensei, or he would be too deep in concentration to notice.

He then took cautious steps to the middle of the room and began practicing. He imagined her standing by his right side; mimicking her posture, her focus, and her movement. When he came to an irritatingly difficult move, he repeated it with no success and soon became frustrated. Sweating and putting strain on his muscles, Yahiko began to cry as he furiously swung at the air, exercising the same failed move, upset that his master was unable to yell at him. Unable to correct him. Unable to do anything right now.

He stilled and began taking in deep slow breaths when he felt a hand squeeze his shoulder in a comforting gesture. He lowered the bokken and turned to the owner of the hand, giving him an apologetic smile.

Kenshin took the bokken from Yahiko and replaced it on the rack. He then motioned Yahiko to join him sitting indian style on the floor. Closing his eyes and smoothing out his breathing, he began to meditate. Yahiko did the same. 

While deep in a relaxed state, or as relaxed as he could get within those few minutes, he heard the sound of clothing rumple and opened an eye to see Yahiko stand up. He watched as Yahiko headed towards the closet and took out a broom.

"I can't..." Yahiko explained. "I just want to do this instead." Kenshin smiled in understanding and stood up himself.

"That is fine. Sessha appreciates your help, de gozaru. Sessha will just... go do the laundry." He left while Yahiko began to sweep in the farthest corner of the practice hall, at a slow, dejected pace.

  
  
  


The sloshing of water all around his arms and through his hands helped to soothe his troubled mind. He always found some semblance of peace when he did this 'woman's' chore. But, then again, this was him time to think, and thinking never really did any good to his peace...

Megumi had, as a doctor and a friend, told them all to continue their ordinary routines. That it would help them cope, she'd said. Cope. Because time always went on, even when a petal feel from a tree or a baby bird was born or ... a loved one died.

He shook his head. She was _not _dead. Just very close to it. Megumi had informed them of her state; she was in a coma. And Megumi had no idea when Kaoru would wake from it.

"This is something even the great Battousai is helpless against," she had stated sadly, in a matter of fact tone. Kenshin could only stare at the girl's lifeless form. He couldn't and wouldn't admit it to anyone for fear that they'd despise him, but the moment she had closed her eyes ... making him believe her life's essence had left her body... he had wanted to leave. Leave everything behind. Leave the dojo and all the reminders of her energetic ways.

He stared down at the cloth held in his pruned hands. It was the same one he had started on. He sighed in exasperation and finished it, taking it over to the pole to dry. He returned to the washing bin and took another article of clothing into his hands. 

Kenshin finished the laundry and sat on the porch. He listened to the birds and gazed up towards the cloudy sky, the smell of rain in the air. He sighed as a gentle wind swept through, ruffled his hair, and caused goosebumps on his skin. Simple.

Kenshin imagined her sitting next to him, loose strands of hair flying freely in the wind and a rose tint to her cold cheeks. A bright sparkle in her blue eyes and that smile that made his heart flutter. He missed her presence. 

He entered Kaoru's room, feeling somewhat intrusive, but came to sit next to her anyway. As he took in her appearance, he silently wished it was him lying there. It should have been him. He closed his eyes....

_'Kaoru would be just as bad as you...if you were lying there. If not, worse.'_

'Hai...Sessha knows.....de gozaru.'

_'It's all your fault, you know.'_

'Hai...'

Kenshin slowly and carefully took one of her hands and cradled in between his own. They were so cold. He brought it up to his scarred cheek.

"Kaoru..."

  
  


The sky was already dark. Another day come and gone and everything was odd and mechanical. Kenshin made sure every chore was done, out of respect for Kaoru. She was still breathing, Megumi had pointed out that Kaoru wouldn't want to wake up to a rundown dojo. Kenshin had merely nodded and went on to commence in those tasks. 

He decided since he was finished with everything else except dinner, that he would go through his basic exercises. It had been awhile since he'd practiced them and it would relieve some stress. As he lost himself in the motion, _that_ day filtered in to his mind out of no where.

  


It was raining. Always the rain. Did the Gods favor the rain? Or did they do that just to make him miserable?

He felt it, the confident challenging ki mingled with more familiar defensive ones, ones that he had vowed to protect. He could feel the adrenaline start to surge through his body and his hand ached for the feel of his katana.

He arrived without warning and jumped into the air, using his godlike speed, unsheathing his sword and initiating an attack to free her from the enemy's taunting grasp. The attack caught the enemy in the arm and Kaoru rolled away.

"Battousai."

"Iie. I am Himura Kenshin."

"Does it matter?" The guy scoffed. "Once a hitokiri, always a hitokiri. You are one in the same. Born out of bloodlust, you will always crave it and so a fitting end would be to die in a pool of your own blood. Himura. Kenshin," the man spat. "Don't deny your true nature."

"Don't talk to me like you know me," Kenshin warned. His eyes were flickering with pent up rage. The man chuckled.

"Aaa, but I do, dear sweet Kenshin. I do. I remember the look in your eyes, the might of your sword, the warning in your stance, much like you are now. I remember the lives you took from me. And now I am here for vengeance. I have searched for so long and here we are. Once you are dead, I can live AGAIN!"

"Nothing is solved through death..." Kenshin stated but his opponent didn't listen. He didn't want to hear and so no further words would reach him. Soon they were locked in a battle of speed, an unforgivable dance. He was too focused to think about anything or anyone else except this man who wanted his life. 

His opponent noticed the arrival of Yahiko and Sano and decided to use them as a distraction. He inched towards them and threw a spare knife their way. Kenshin watched as Sano grabbed Yahiko and they dodged it. 

Time stilled when he heard a sharp intake of air and her pained struggled cry. He couldn't believe it. His eyes became pure white and he went into a blind fury. Red hair and magenta blurred together in a rush of speed as the flipped sakabatou sought out it's opponent's flesh and brought him justice. His Kaoru, who had stood in front of him just in time to take the blow herself, lay shivering on the ground.

Abandoning his weapon of destruction, he rushed to her. She blinked back tears and her eyes started to become unfocused. He pulled her to him and began to rock back and forth.

"So bright..." She whispered.

"KAORU...."

Kenshin gently stroked her hair and then slowly stood up. He added another blanket to her bedding and made sure she was securely tucked in. He then took an empty bowl that had held a mixture Megumi had made to feed to Kaoru and walked to the door.

"Sessha is going to make dinner now, Kaoru-dono. He'll be back in a little bit, de gozaru." With one last look at her, he left the silent room and entered the kitchen. Yahiko was waiting there for him.

"Can I help?" The boy looked pensive. Kenshin smiled at him and rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Sessha would be most grateful for your help." And with that, a light patter of rain began a symphony on the roof and they began to peel, cut, and cook.


	3. Out of Reach Chapter Three

Author's Note: Hehee, I know it's been awhile. I'm sorry. To the few people who have been reading this and leaving reviews: I thank you!!! I know this isn't perfect and I will fix it up again later sometime so don't mind the errors if you discover them, lol. I hope you like this chapter. :)

  
  
  
  


The ground doesn't always stay beneath my feet

and these heavy burdens weigh me down

With heavy heart and flustered mind

I can only hope safe passage is found

  
  
  
  
  


Out of Reach 

Chapter Three

  
  
  
  
  


'How... I can't do it anymore...'

Her eyes threatened to tear as she watched his back. She felt weak inside, hopeless and stupid. Drained of all the energy she normally emitted freely from an endless reserve that never faltered before. But now... it took everything in her power just to simply smile for him and sustain it.

'Is this what it feels like... to be dead?'

She was numb to everything now. His gentle ways, his politeness and consideration, his fleeting moments of sincere affection... she used to feel butterflies in the pit of her stomach, a gentle stirring of an appreciative love only for him-always for him. But waiting, as it seemed, turned into more waiting and now the feeling had faded. They had a routine, a safe comfortable routine that he wouldn't break. She felt denied somehow. She'd fallen in love and was convinced by her friends that he shared the same sentiment, so where was her 'happily ever after'?

A defeated sigh escaped from her mouth and she looked longingly at him

'Kenshin... What am I to you?' She slowly turned and decided to go through her basic warmups in the dojo to begin practice for the day and maybe think about nothing for a change.

Kenshin visibly relaxed and let out the breath he had been holding. He had heard her stop on the porch and felt the depression in her ki as she stood there, most likely watching him. He stopped his chore and stared into the water, unseeing.

'What is wrong with me?'

_'A rhetorical question, Ken-dono.' _Kenshin closed his eyes and clenched his fists.

'I don't need you anymore...' He stated calmly and surely. He felt the Battousai within him smirk.

_'Sure.' _

A breeze caught him and he shivered as it tickled his skin and cooled him. Kenshin then noticed the banging coming from the dojo.

"Aaaa...Sessha sincerely hopes that Yahiko-chan is not in there, de gozaru..." He stood up slowly and wiped his hands on his hakama. Unfastening the rope that bound his sleeves up to his shoulders, he headed towards the door to the dojo and peeked in. He was stunned into shock by what he saw. Kaoru was breathless but continuing to put strain on her body by demanding more than she was capable of giving. It appeared as though she was crying and yet she was hardly making any sound. Her hair was messy, barely contained in the ribbon she had used to tie it with. Her gi was slightly gaping open in the front and she was covered in sweat. He reached out for her ki and was startled.

"Kaoru-dono..." He interrupted softly. She froze with her back to him, halfway between an exercise strike of her bokken. She lowered it so that it was hanging from her hand, pointed toward the floor of the dojo, but she didn't turn to face him.

"Hai, Kenshin?" Something was wrong. She expected something from him. He had known this but was too afraid to act on it.

"Are you okay, Kaoru-dono?" He took a few steps towards her to inspect her more closely. She tensed though and increased the distance between them as she went to return her bokken to the rack. Her hand rested with her bokken in its place for awhile, her head bowed low.

"I am. Do you need something?" She asked, still refusing to look at him. He became perplexed and somewhat disappointed that she chose to lie and retraced his steps back to the door. His eyes rested on the floor now, a part that he had repaired long ago. A part of their past...

"Aaaah... only to know what you want for dinner, de gozaru." He glanced up through the safe veil of his red mane to watch her.

"Anything is fine, Kenshin." He looked away, dismayed, and then left, knowing that he had not said or done the thing that she had been hoping for.

_'You're destroying her.' _The voice had a rough definitive quality to it. The truth was always hard to take.

'Hai. And it's time that Sessha stopped...' He thought. A sense of finality took over and he knew there would be no stopping him this time. This was for the best, she would realize it and come to terms with his decision. A vagabond was simply that and he had stayed here far too long already.

Kaoru somberly joined Yahiko and Kenshin for dinner, barely making eye contact let alone speaking any words of wisdom. She sat lifelessly in her place and gingerly ate her dinner, although she hardly ate any of it before she state she was finished and excused herself. Kenshin was concerned but didn't show it and he let her be.

_'You are cold and cruel, Ken-dono.' _Kenshin glared at the mockery in the Battousai's comment.

'It won't help no matter what. Kaoru deserves someone who-'

_'Isn't a coward. If you let me out more often, we wouldn't be in this predicament. You are lacking in communication skills.'_

'Last time I knew, so were you.' Kenshin countered. His adrenaline was pumping fire through his veins now. Later, he planned to release his pent up frustration in the privacy of the woods..

_'So now you have a sense of humor-it doesn't help with the present situation.'_

'I've already decided what I'm going to do, so go away.'

_'I know what you're thinking. It only supports the statement that I made earlier, coward.'_

'You're awfully sociable today.' Kenshin heard a cough and looked up to see Yahiko staring at him oddly. He smiled his Rurouni smile, knowing that his thoughts must have been displayed across his face and in the color changing of his eyes. 

"Kenshin, why don't you tell Busu you love her? I'm sure everything would be better if you did," Yahiko supplied, having put two and two together. Kenshin smiled tenderly at his simple answer.

"It's much more complicated than that, de gozaru." Kenshin rested a comforting hand on the young man's shoulder. Yahiko looked up at him with anger written in his features.

"It doesn't have to be!" He shrugged Kenshin's hand off and stormed away.

_'You sure have a way with the people you love...' _Kenshin ignored that comment and started washing the dishes.

Kenshin opened his eyes and focused on where he was. On his way home- he remembered. He looked down at the box he carried in his hands. Tofu. It didn't seem all that important anymore. He forced himself to take a step and then another, taking it one at a time until he reached the gates.

  


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One of the thing's she realized after waking from a dreamless sleep, was that she felt nothing but warm. She sat up and noticed that she had fallen asleep in the same field she had appeared in when she first arrived.

The sun seemed out of place in the crystal clear blue sky. She briefly wondered how could any sky be so.... blue? There were no clouds marring it's perfection. And it seemed to go forever, so deep and extremely mind-boggling.

The sole survivor of the line of Kaimyas wandered through this place, lost in thought and wonderment. If she was dreaming this whole ordeal, how come it felt so real? And if she was not, how could she return to her family? People who came here... it didn't seem like they could just go back to whatever life they had momentarily left and everything would be okay again.

Kaoru soon found herself at a pond. Trees grew around it, making it seem surreal in the way that they framed the pond. Many beautiful flowers peeked out from bushes or the tall grass here and there, but so did some weeds. 'Odd', she thought, 'weeds seem to follow in the after life as well, I guess.' She sat down on a huge rock that overlooked the pond by a foot or two and lowered her feet into the water. Ripples waned out but Kaoru was discouraged to feel nothing. She leaned over and found she had no reflection either.

"Like the rain I once knew, I am powerless...destined to fall..." A small voice said in a songlike fashion. Kaoru's head snapped up and her eyes fell upon a young beautiful woman who came out of the woods and appeared to be her age. She was dressed in a wedding kimono.

"This place seeks to bring comfort.. But I find none," she said, making eye contact with Kaoru. "Do you find it ironic?" A nod answered her question.

"We are here because of a 'why' and yet we'll never know. Maybe this is the farthest we're suppose to go. No one really knows for sure."

"I worry for my friends," Kaoru simply stated, not knowing what else to say. The lady nodded and looked away with a sad smile. 

"Do you remember life as a child? Everything was beautiful then and full of mystery. So eager to grow up. Where did the time go?"

"I was never allowed such novelties. My father was killed when I was young and I had to grow up quickly," Kaoru shared. The lady smiled in apology and then walked away. 'How horrible,' she thought, 'the lady must have been stolen away right before her wedding.'

This place offered no solace, only depression. Being constantly reminded of those one left behind didn't help time pass along too well. If time existed here at all.

Kaoru fisted her hands in her hair, becoming restless and irritated. She didn't like this. She wanted to be the same Kaoru she was before. Not that she really was any different, but these hands, these were not her hands. And this hair... It did no good that she didn't understand where she was or why.

This place. It resembled so much of her city and yet there were subtle differences. Things were off somehow, missing that homely quality that made them unnoticeable, yet very important. She was beginning to miss the afternoons in the dojo and the walks to the market. Here, she didn't feel completely whole. The woman had told her to go wander around a bit, it might clear her head. But she found herself more confused and somewhat angry. She wanted to know how her friends were doing. She wanted to see them.

A giggle caught her attention and she looked over to see the girl twirling around, arms outstretched. The girl stilled and spotted Kaoru. With a wave and a big whole-hearted smile, she skipped over to Kaoru and jumped into a sitting position next to her.

"It's almost time, mother told me," she exclaimed to Kaoru. Her hands were clasped and she was smiling uncontrollably. Her enthusiasm radiated off her in waves, and it was almost contagious.

"Is she your real mother?" Kaoru asked. The girl giggled and then pretended to pout.

"Nooooo! Silly! My real mother is waiting for me." She pointed upward, raising a finger to her lips as if to hide a secret. Kaoru's mouth formed an 'o' and she was suddenly very sad again. The poor girl- and she was so happy.

"What is your name?"

"Aya."

"How long have you been here, Aya?" The girl stilled and pondered this question.

"I asked mother that and she said 'no time here. It does not exist. That is why I do not age.' But time still going for my daddy. He is still there and that is why I am here."

"I see. Can you see your father?" Hope scratched at her heart. 'Kenshin.'

"Only....only when he prays," the little girl whispered. Kaoru watched the whole demeanor of this young vibrant girl diminish into a quiet meek child of innocence. She felt compassion swell within her and she threw her arms around the girl in a big hug.

"My mother used to tell me, when I was your age, that hugs were the best medicine money could never buy because they are free and special," Kaoru whispered to the girl. She was so small in her arms that Kaoru thought about what if would have been like if she had given birth to a child of her own. But the thought quickly floated away, into the back of her mind and she stood up when the girl reached for her hand and began to lead her away.

"Nothing is ever simple. It may appear to be that way but in all honesty...any action has reactions and many, countless consequences, whether they are good or bad. One decision can change a lifetime in a split second-and no one would know." Kaoru listened respectfully as she tried to mimick the old woman's hands. They were so deceiving the way they wove and handled the yarn. How did she do that?

"Now, I know you have a lot on your mind that you would like to sort out, but I would like to ask you some questions. Maybe to get you started?" The woman proposed. Kaoru looked up for a bit and nodded, then returned her concentration to the task her hands were warring over. She slouched and moved around in her seat before finding a comfortable position and then bit on her bottom lip as she worked.

"Why do you think you are here?" Her voice sounded much more serious than Kaoru thought she had ever heard her speak before. Kaoru stopped knitting and stared at the woman's wrinkly face.

"You said it was because of something..."

"But why do you think you are here?" The woman asked again. Kaoru took in a deep breath and examined her work.

"Honestly, I don't know. I truly thought I would die and that would be it," she answered. The woman nodded, setting down her needles and yarn for the time being.

"Well, let me ask you this: Do you have something to live for?" Kaoru froze and her eyes couldn't move away from the yarn in her hands. She thought of her dojo, her ancestors, her father... Sanosuke, Yahiko, and...

"I do." She lifted her head and looked the old woman in the face, confidently. "I do." 


	4. Out of Reach Chapter Four

Author's Note: This might end up being the longest chapter in this story and the next chapter will most likely be the last. It also might seemed rushed and for that I apologize. Anywho, I'd like to thank those who read and reviewed, I appreciate it! :) And again, I will go through and fix these chappies once I have completed this. I make a lot of mistakes, lol.

Disclaimer: I don't think I did this at all during my story....so...uh.... here it is:

By order of the law, any character presented to an audience in this story does not in any way, shape, or form, belong to me. I hereby proclaim that they are only being borrowed for the duration of this piece that I have written to give testimony to my adoration of the series: Rurouni Kenshin; and it's author, producer, origins, etc... After that, I will give them back. Thank you.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Chapter Four: Out Of Reach

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Return thy hope, release thy fear

into the sweet abyss...

Open thine eyes and be renewed

for you are heaven's gift.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


In a rush to practically nowhere, she was lost and breathless. She had seen no sign of Aya in any of her usual hangouts. No giggles to follow-no trails of flowers. The girl was no where to be seen and Kaoru was starting to feel lonely, not that she hadn't been already.

Finally, Kaoru's feet led her to her field, as she had come to refer to it as. Among the brush outlining the field she heard sniffles and found her 'brother' crying there.

"What's the matter?" She asked, in a concerned and loving voice. He peered up through his wet hands and moist lashes to observe her, trying to disguise the sobbing of his body with silence now that she was there.

"She left..." He choked out the words. Kaoru stilled.

"Who did?"

"Aya." Kaoru pulled the poor child into her arms to give him as much comfort as he would take in her embrace. Rubbing small circles into his back, she held him even after he calmed down and fell asleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Kaoru rushed inside to find mother arranging irises. It was odd that she could smell and more odd that she smelled white plum at this moment, rather than the scent of an iris. She looked around briefly, noticing just how many iris bouquets were in the room. Kaoru brushed it aside and steeled herself. But before she could unleash her anger, the woman turned kind eyes to her and Kaoru felt her words die instantly in her mouth.

"It happens quite frequently, believe it or not. How long it takes just varies," the woman answered. She already knew what Kaoru had stormed in about. Her hands moved gracefully and skillfully as she arranged the flowers in a vase.

"How?" Kaoru asked. She knew this was way beyond her. To understand would take a power unfathomable to her psyche. 

"Acceptance. One must learn to accept the things they cannot change. Only then does one truly understand the meaning of life. Aya's father finally found peace and so Aya is free to join her mother." Kaoru closed her eyes and imagined the giggly girl skipping along beside an older more experience family member that was her mother. And her worries were momentarily forgotten.

"Flower arranging is something you might like, Kaoru," the woman turned towards her with a twinkle in her eye.

"You already know how to spot them." Kaoru eyed the woman more closely, feeling bewitched in a way. Mother seemed familiar, but she knew she had never met her before. The old woman provided Kaoru with a vase and then gestured towards the bundle of flowers just waiting to be picked up.

  
  
  
  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Kenshin woke with a start. He felt sore all over from the way he'd slept. He was half sitting half lying, with his back side barely touching the wall. He was extremely uncomfortable and so he shifted to rid his body of the aches. Then he gazed down at his patient, still unmoving.

He brought his hand close to her mouth, it warmed from the tiny breaths of air she exhaled. Kenshin then yawned, tears collecting in the corners of his eyes and leaned back fully against the wall. How long had it been? He blinked slowly and stared at her face. She was regaining some color...that was a welcome sign. That mixture was difficult to feed her but it was finally working. Kenshin silently thanked Megumi for her talent. His hand inched out to caress Kaoru's cheek.

"Kaoru, it takes too much effort not to feel..." he whispered, pleading.

  
  
  
  


Sanosuke watched as his comrade dully served out the meal he had prepared minutes before. Looking down at it, it looked rather bland. Sanosuke didn't know if he could take anymore of Kenshin's depressed creations, even if he did sympathize with the poor man. He cautiously brought the bowl to his lips and took a sip. His face blanched automatically. He glanced quickly to the cook's face, then swallowed and lowered his bowl.

The table was unusually quiet, even now. Sano figured Yahiko had given up on trying to instill some sense of hope in the Rurouni. He actually looked at Kenshin this time and was appalled to see he looked paler-if it was at all possible. Sano couldn't take this. He clenched his fists and slammed them into the hard surface of the table, rattling the china that sat upon it. He only succeeded, however, in getting a startled reaction out of Yahiko, who jumped a few inches out of his seat. 

"Kenshin," he growled, "You can't do this to yourself anymore!" The Rurouni merely smiled a ghost of a smile and collected his dishes.

"Sessha sincerely hopes you have enjoyed dinner, de gozaru." He turned and entered the kitchen. Yahiko's eyes followed the man's form out then flitted to Sano.

"That's all he does. Chores, cook, and look after Kaoru." Yahiko felt like he was telling on Kenshin, but this was good tattle-tale. He was concerned about his idol being unhealthy.

"The man is out of it..." Sano angrily stated. "I love Jou-chan but he needs to get some rest. Maybe, get away for a bit." He looked over to Yahiko who nodded.

  
  


Kenshin sat down near Kaoru's head and carefully fingered a strand of her hair.

"I hope... you found your answer... Kaoru." He whispered as he caressed her cheek with no reserve. He then tenderly stroked the hair from her face and regretted not having ever taken the opportunities that had been so numerous to kiss her.

"Sessha is going away for awhile..." He whispered, looking back towards his small pack of belongings. Sanosuke had actually packed it for him. He and Yahiko were waiting out by the gates. He took one last look at Kaoru and then turned around. Grabbing his pack, he carried out to join the other two who were talking with Megumi. Her eyes brightened at his arrival, but then calmed down in disappointment when she observed his fatigue and depressed state.

"Konnichiwa, Ken-san. Sano asked me to watch over Kaoru while you guys were away."

"Hai. Arigatou gozaimasu," Kenshin said. Sano smiled at her, then swung his arm around the Rurouni's smaller shoulders to lead him away from the Kamiya household.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Megumi watched the trio walk away at a slow dejected pace set by the man whom they were trying to cheer up. She shook her head and crossed her arms, hoping that Kaoru's stubborn Ken-san wouldn't block out their concerned ministrations. She then picked up her medical bag and entered the Kamiya residence with a weary mind. So quiet..... She half expected the tanuki to jump out at her. Megumi finally entered the sleeping girl's room and took note of her state. 

"He's really watched over you this time, tanuki. How could you never see it in his eyes?" She sighed and felt for a temperature. Taking the appropriate actions to combat her patient's illness, she sat back and watched the girl lying before her.

  
  
  
  
  


It was evening now. Megumi felt irritated. It was extremely way too quiet for her liking. She was used to being surrounded by rambunctious rude people, such as Sanosuke, that she rarely ever spent a moment alone in the company of silence. She found herself making noise just to combat the eery silence that plagued the house. 

After pacing the kitchen and deciding that she was bored, she found the broom and began to clean. She then realized what she was doing and began coming up with excuses for it if the need ever presented itself for her to explain why she was doing chores. A laugh escaped her, and her shoulders slumped. It had helped to relieve her of some of the stress. She had been focusing completely on the revival of the Tanuki. She had no idea how the Rurouni could do it and still be conscious after all he did for Kaoru AND the house. 

She found things just laying out and put them away in places she thought they might go. After wiping everything down as best she could, she went to the guest room and decided to take a nap since there really wasn't much more to do anyway. Silence greeted her in her dreams.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Eight empty bottles where sake had once occupied, laid strewn about carelessly on the floor. Everyone had forgotten what they were celebrating and the party was calming down.

Kaoru somehow found herself sitting outside on the porch, in her love's loose embrace. This registered fairly well in her mind for she had only consumed fair amounts but she played drunk so the moment would last longer. 

Apparently, Kenshin had more than her could handle, which had to have been a lot, considering... He was indeed, a little tipsy and that made Kaoru giggle in adoration. He smiled goofily back and then swooped in to taste her lips in a sloppy kiss. This effectively shocked her to stillness and she stared at him as he downed another cup. She then took the cup away, all the while staring at his lips and then timidly initiated a kiss of her own. 'Even if he doesn't remember... my first kiss... Kenshin...' They then fell asleep, entangled in each others limbs.

He blinked his eyes of the sleep he had just awoken from and sat up stiffly from his futon. The dream, he couldn't remember it. But his lips tingled and that made him think of Kaoru. Snoring took his attention and he turned to see his friend lying not too far away from him. His blankets were, however, on the opposite side of the room and Kenshin wondered how Sanosuke had managed that in his sleep. Yahiko was already up, and sitting on the window ledge, gazing out of it. In his hands he had his companion, his bokken.

"Ohayou, Yahiko," Kenshin greeted him softly. Yahiko turned his head, slightly startled but then smiled and nodded. A loud snort caught his attention and he smirked as an idea formed in his head and he tiptoed over to the unsuspecting late sleeper. Kenshin merely shook his head and decided to clean up before the war started.

Poke. Poke.

Yahiko was incredibly ecstatic when Sano did not wake up. And now to commence!

"YAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOW! SHIT!" Sano leaped up from his futon and glared angrily at the little samurai, who, by the way, was grinning much too loudly for Sano's liking.

"I'll show you!!" Kenshin sighed as they wrestled.

They were going home today. It had been two days since they had left. Kenshin wondered how Megumi was handling everything at the dojo, not that there was much to do when no one else was around. He wanted to get going but he didn't want the others to know, so he waited as patiently as he could.

Sano noticed that Kenshin looked and acted more like himself. He smiled inwardly, pleased that he had helped the Rurouni in some way. Without wasting anymore time, he decided that they would head out now. He could tell Kenshin was antsy and more than ready to get home to Kaoru. They had accomplished what they'd set out to do and now that Kenshin was better, everything would be fine again. Of that he was sure.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Megumi backed into to Kaoru's room, holding a tray of her mixture that she was going to have to feed her today. She was surprised to see the futon empty. She almost lost hold of the tray in her hands as her eyes found the tanuki standing in her closet, searching for a kimono.

The girl then paused and her head slowly turned to see the doctor standing there in disbelief. A small smile made it's way onto her face and she hurriedly crossed the room to give Megumi a hug.

"Where are the others?" Her voice croaked and she bowed her head in embarrassment.

"Uh, they went away for awhile, but they'll be back. I think Sanosuke said today." She jst stared at the tanuki before remembering the mixture.

"I am glad you're awake now, you can just drink this on your own now. But you really should stay in bed..." Kaoru nodded and complied by sitting back down in the futon and accepting cup offered to her from the doctor.

"I am still tired..." Kaoru agreed. Megumi felt her forehead and found that her fever was almost nonexistant. She took the cup from Kaoru and then stood up.

"I have to go to Gensai's for something, okay? I will be back soon. I'm glad you're back. You don't know what it was like..." Megumi smiled and then left the room. 

Kaoru moved into a comfortable position, fingered her scarf that was still around her neck, and smiled up at the ceiling. 'I'm back.' She took in a big breath of air, savoring it as it went in her lungs and the smells that came with it. And then she exhaled slowly. She closed her eyes to remember what ahd happened before she woke up and found herself here.

  
  
  
  


"Kaoru, I am finished with your scarf," mother said as she motioned for her to come close so she could wrap it around her neck. She patted her back in encouragement.

"I'm glad that everything has been decided for the best."

"How do you know that?" Kaoru enquired. She was scared. She didn't know what was going to happen, only that it was time to go. Suddenly, the old woman in front of her turned young. Her face was elegant and knowledgeable. The air changed dramatically and Kaoru knew now who mother was.

"I know. Please take care of him. He has finally accepted..." She smiled for Kaoru and then bowed respectfully. Kaoru felt an enormous amount of love and respect for the woman standing in front of her. She had no idea how to thank her, so she opted for returning the bow.

"Arigatou gozaimasu." Mother lifted her hand and placed it on Kaoru's eyes.

"Now close you eyes......"

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_You are Home._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


thanks again to all who reviewed. I will try and post the last chapter soon. 

  



	5. Out of Reach Chapter Five

Author's Notes: Hiya!! This is the last chapter of my story. I am actually completing a story!! This is a first for me. :} Anyways, thanks go out to all of the people who have read and reviewed this fanfic. Arigato gozaimasu bows

Chapter Five: Out Of Reach

When the pleasant angels sing

It is the end of suffering

And with these hand I shall comply

To wipe the tear drops from your eyes

Still unworthy this one may be

But ever grateful for you is he

And though the shadows linger by

This one is yours for all of time

The road she was traveling down seemed to take so long. It was bouncing in her eyesight with every step she took. She was running. Running to a destination and still it felt like she was going at a snail's pace.

Her hands were in fists, swinging in and out to the side, helping her propel herself forward, steady and determined. At last, the hill came into sight, the one that overlooked the ocean, and her eyes flew instantly to the solitary figure standing there. She forgot her breathing, her heartbeat, how exhausted she was, and ran with a newfound burst of energy to him.

He noticed her and turned with a surprised yet content smile on his face and she collided into him, her arms wrapping around him in a tight embrace. He was strong and solid, however, so they didn't fall backwards. He must have been anticipating.. A sigh floated to his ear and his smiled broadened, his eyes closed and his chin rested on her head.

"Does this mean you missed me?" He asked, rubbing her back and chuckling.

"Mou..." she muttered softly and turned so that her cold nose was resting in his neck. She took in a large breath and then exhaled slowly, the tension of worrying just leaving her with all the air she exhaled.

"I could stay like this all day..." She admitted. Kenshin's eyes opened wide and then he looked down at her. Her eyes were still closed and a goofy smile was etched on her face.

'All day...like this...' He looked on, more towards the ocean. 'Could we?'

They arrived back at the dojo, expecting it to be noisy or something. But it wasn't. They looked around, splitting up to search for Dr. Fox but she wasn't there. Kenshin then headed for Kaoru's room and stood by the door, observing her pallor. She looked much improved. He told himself he would have to thank Megumi-san for all of her help. He stepped reverently towards the futon and then carefully sat down by it's edge, watching it's occupant.

Sano poked his head in the room through the doorway and frowned. He then cleared his throat.

"Me 'an the kid are goin to go look for Megumi. We'll be back in a bit."

"Hai." Sano stared for a bit before turning around and leaving.

"Sessha has been thinking..." he started, looking down at his hands as he spoke, "that, well, Sessha was thinking he could fix up the dojo, and ask Tae-dono to sew the kimono. Maybe Megumi-san could decorate... Of course, Yahiko-chan would help me. And Sanosuke would probably just be around to cheer us on..." His amethyst eyes flitted to her face and watched in complete fascination as her eyes fluttered open and her pupil's adjusted to the light in the room. Relief, happiness, all those feelings erased the mixture of dread and sorrow that had occupied his being for the better half of a month. He waited for her eyes to find him, unable to move for fear she'd vanish or fall under another coma. She spotted him and sighed. Her eyes...They were so blue; he'd forgotten.

"What for, Kenshin?" She asked, softly. She slowly sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"I forget..." He breathed, mesmerized. She looked around and realized Megumi had left after promising some soup or something to her. 

"Kenshin..." she whispered. It sounded almost like a prayer. His eyes softened and a sad smile adorned his face.

"Kaoru." His heart became overjoyed when she smiled the most beautiful smile he had ever seen grace her face. A feeling of wholeness passed through them both, a silent acknowledgment of a secret desire. Things would be different from now on. And Kenshin welcomed that. He helped her sit up.

"I've prepared some soup. I will bring it to you-" He made to stand but a soft hand stopped him.

"It can wait. Kenshin?" she asked. "I'd really like to see the sun." He helped her up and she leaned into him as he led her outside. He didn't move away when they came to stand still on the porch. Kaoru then rested her head on his shoulder, watching the leaves ruffle in the slight breeze, taking in the shadows and the highlights from the sun and the tree's canopy. The laundry hanging on the rack, though she could tell that it wasn't Kenshin who put it up there. No, it was a little sloppy but she didn't mind the gesture. Megumi had done a lot for her. It felt good to feel her cheeks warm to the sun's caress and to have to squint her eyes because of it's brightness. But nothing felt better than the comforting presence currently at her side, her strength and weakness. She closed her eyes and turned into him, taking in his cedar smell and winding her arms around his body. There was no hesitancy in the return of the embrace.

"This is heaven."

It felt natural to be this way. Holding a small life in her arms, sitting on the porch, and watching the man she had given her heart to carry out his second passion in life. She watched him hang the clothing on the pole and then stand back and stare at his handiwork. Then her eyes danced downwards to take in their creation: a little baby boy with the same disheveled mat of hair as his father adorning his head, and rosy cheeks and the innocence radiating off of him so freely as it does with all babies.

Yahiko had asked her a while after she had woken up the second time to her family, if she had any regrets. She responded, "The only regret is that I didn't give you 1,000 strokes instead of that 300 I gave you the night before for criticizing my cooking. You haven't been consistent with your training!! I'm ashamed to call you my student!"

"AHH!!! Sorry for trying to have a civilized conversation!!! And EXXccuuuuuse me for caring!" He had stormed off. It was then she thought about how long it had taken for her to get this far. To be married. To be satisfied with what she was. And to finally feel like a woman, which she wouldn't have been able to do without Kenshin's help. Wink wink

Kaoru watched as Kenshin came up to her with the most recent improvement in his smile. He seemed completed now. Everything that was in the past was now and forever the past. He had finally accepted it. His cross shaped scar was slowly diminishing and Kaoru liked to think it was because of his acceptance.

Kenshin took their baby carefully from her arms and cradled him lovingly.

'Arigatou.... Tomoe-san.... Nothing is out of reach.'


End file.
